Heroes, Villains, Victims & Bystanders

HEROES, VILLAINS, VICTIMS & BYSTANDERS by William Cottringer In the game of life there are four main roles we can choose to play. These roles are Hero, Villain, Victim or Bystander. Which of these roles are you playing? HERO Heroes dream big, translate their dreams into concrete goals, work hard to leave their legacy, remain flexible and never quit. Heroes devote their life to becoming the best they can be, whether it is President of the United States, a mother, or a volunteer in a nursing home. They have discovered a uniquely private mission and use their special talents to carry out that driving purpose. Heroes are positive and optimistic because they have worked hard to gain a sure sense that they can control their future and make a positive difference. They acquire this confidence by learning from their failures, correcting mistakes, assuming responsibility for all the choices they make, and persevering past the point at which most people quit. Heroes are often envied by those playing other roles, who only see the glory and miss all that a person has to put into being a hero. Most heroes spend a lifetime becoming an overnight success as the saying goes. Incidentally, many heroes are too busy "heroing" that they don't even see themselves that way. The best heroes are quiet achievers who are showing other people the folly of these other unnatural roles. VILLAIN Probably the main mistake most villains make is taking themselves too seriously, in believing their wrong behavior is somehow justified by circumstances or by the end they are after. The worst sort of villain has convinced him or herself that wrong behavior is actually right behavior. Unfortunately, both these positions are highly resistive to positive change, short of a lightening bolt. Typical behaviors of a villain are judging, accusing, rationalizing, hurting, destroying and dominating. Villains are characteristically mean, rude, insensitive, conceited and selfish. The object of a villain seems to be to infringe upon the basic needs and cherished values of others, such as freedom, equality, honesty, compassion, acceptance, love and understanding. Do villains serve any positive purpose? I think that they do a few good things. First they serve as a warning for the rest of us as a way not to be. Secondly they confirm the rightness of being a hero. And thirdly, they challenge the rest of us to figure out how to deal with them effectively. This challenge helps make many heroes. What is the best way to deal with villains? Be a hero yourself and tolerate them until they offend your soul and then let them know they are wrong, assertively and without critical judgment or moral superiority. VICTIM Becoming a victim is often the result of some back luck and faulty thinking. Many people playing the victim role start out with the right intention of being a hero, but get discouraged along the way. They give up on their dreams because of disappointment and failure. Or, they are not willing to make the necessary sacrifices or exchanges. Other times they simply run out of steam trying to get somewhere, but getting nowhere. The trouble is, there is no real action to change anything. Being a victim leads people to have a viewpoint that life is working against them. They are convinced that there is absolutely nothing they can do to change things for the better, no matter what they do. So why even bother trying? And of course the less they try to control things and get somewhere, the more out of practice they get. The resulting mental inertia is psychically paralyzing. BYSTANDER Perhaps the weakest role a person can choose to play in life is that of a bystander. Bystanders are neutral on issues, apathetic, uninvolved, and trapped within there own minds. They stand around on the sidelines passively watching everyone else having fun playing the other roles. Bystanders are stuck in inaction and lack of involvement in anything. Life passes them by. Sometimes they don't know how to live, sometimes they are afraid to take any chances, and sometimes they are just waiting for someone else to ask them to join in all the fun. Just like being a victim, a person can get super glued to the vicious circle nature of "bystanding." It is like standing on a high dive being afraid to jump off. The longer you wait, the more frightening even the idea of jumping becomes. By that time you have become an inseparable part of the diving board and can't even get down the latter. Sooner or later, though, we all wake up to the fact that we really cannot not participate in life. All the roles are choices that have outcomes, even thinking we are not playing one. My deepest suspicion is that we were all born to become heroes. The hero role is the only one that seems to bring genuine happiness, contentment and success. This role is also the easiest one to play, because all you have to be is your natural self. Playing the other roles is actually more difficult and involves more work. If you are playing any other role and don't like the consequences, the opportunity to choose to be a hero is always there. The roles of villain, victim and bystander are all the wrong choices, but they are only temporary mistakes waiting to be rectified.